Queenie's Place

I Can't Tell You

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 13:10:00 +0000

Yesterday, we went to a barbeque at a friends house. It was mostly their family and then us. I always make food to take when we go places. I just feel like if someone is going to be nice enough to feed my entire family, I can be thankful enough to contribute to the feast. Plus, it always guarantees me a couple of things on the menu that I can eat with my whole meat free thing that I have going on.

I am NOT a pain in the ass when we go elsewhere. I never complain or bitch if we go somewhere that doesn't have meat free dishes. I am always grateful for the efforts anyone puts forth whether I can partake or not - because I can completely relate to the party hosting efforts. Yesterday though knocked this Queenie's socks off.

There was a HUGE spread of food. A feast. AND...there were veggie burgers that had been quietly grilled and set aside. There was a HUGE pan of grilled veggies laid out. There were vegetarian baked beans that had been made. Nothing was made an issue of. No one made me feel like a pain in the ass because they had gone to some extra efforts for me. And not once did I hear "You need to bring whatever you are eating Shelah because I am not cooking for you." (Yes, people do say that to me.)

It was fricken awesome!!!

So, not only did my kids have a blast on the water slide that had been rented. My hub enjoyed the feast and the company. I felt like someone that actually mattered a little bit to my friends and that was priceless for me.

Its All In the 'Tude

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 12:11:00 +0000

I have noticed many around me lately complaining. I think this is very quickly turning into one of my biggest pet peeves with others. Don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of bitchfests. I am not talking about speaking up when service in a restaurant or calling someone out when they have spoken to you like an asshat. THOSE complaints are warranted. I am talking about complaining about drivers, decorations or food at a party, the weather, a suckie movie and any number of things that we really have no control over.

It's not in your control. Why are you wasting your energy on it?

We are a nation of whiners. People will bitch about just about anything and then when they are done bitching, they will try to sue you for your "shortcomings". When you make choices to move to an area, attend a party, see a movie or drive on the public streets you give up your right to complain. You knowingly put yourself in a position that you are not in control of. How can you expect it to all go according to YOUR wishes?

Can I really complain about the weather here in Miami? Sure I CAN but it does me no good. My complaints don't change the weather. When I whine about it being hot, someone needs to smack me. Then remind me that I moved here of my own accord. I packed my shit up in Michigan and CHOOSE to relocate to this tropical climate. I knew that tropical meant hot, humid, rain, bugs and hurricanes. Just like I am here now by choice, if it makes me that miserable, I can pack up and move out. Right?

Should I bitch about the food or drink at someone else's party? They invite me to come. I CHOOSE to go. Did I go simply to eat and drink? Or did I go so I could socialize and have some fun? Someone put forth effort for me to have that time to relax. I don't care what is on the menu.

Does it do me ANY good to scream at other drivers while I am on the road? I put myself in my vehicle knowing full well that I am not the only one out there. I CHOOSE to drive my happy ass to whatever location I went to. I live in a big assed city for god sake. There will be idiots. There will be slow drivers and light flashers and horn honkers.

So where does all of this leave us? When we realize that we are wasting good energy on useless behavior? With a choice. You can make the most of things. Find the good. Enjoy the moments. Or...you can be a whiny bitch for the rest of your life. Just like I have a choice whether to be around you.

It's Simple Really

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:58:00 +0000

I realized a while ago that I have a fault. A big one. I HATE disappointing people. I would rather eat a pile of steamy shit than to let someone down. Normally, this is a great trait to have in someone however, I am frequently treated like a door mat because...I can't tell people no...for fear of disappointing them. Nor, can I allow many to know that I get grumpy, overwhelmed or otherwise get into a state of feeling like life is out of control.

So, when I have bad days, rather than disappoint anyone by being schlod, I choose to retreat. It is my survival behavior. I have been doing it for as long as I can recall. Only recently, I realized WHY I am actually doing it. If I don't retreat when life is pissing me off, I will undoubtedly say things or do things that would make others think less of me. Can't have people finding out that I am human after all.

For some reason, people don't seem to understand that when I am feeling this way, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to listen to anyone. I don't want people to try to make me feel better. I just really want people to leave me the fuck alone. Really. I am avoiding people/phone calls/visits not because I am weak. I am doing that because I am NICE. I don't want to be rude to anyone. I don't want to toss my problems and worries on anyone. I don't want the bullshit in my life to affect anyone else. Why is this such a difficult concept for people?

I wish that I could make this point without being told that I am being a bitch.

Confused sadness

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 14:20:00 +0000

My middle kiddo has been blessed with brains, beauty and a heart that is so kind that it breaks frequently. She gets pissed off at people who are mean. She feels everyones emotions as if they are her own. In other words, she is exactly like me. Lately, she has been completely overwhelmed.

She is old enough to understand that one of my aunts is dying. She gets how sad my family is and how tragic this process is for my uncle. It is also making her sit back and contemplate mortality. She is also still young enough to think that because cancer has affected two aunts, an uncle and 2 grandpas plus numerous other family members, that it is just the way our family leaves this earth.

She is watching our family of 5 and has worried herself sick over which member of our 5 will be next on the list and how the cancer will affect them.

I realized as we are heading to her piano lesson this morning, just how brilliant she really is. I just hope that I can deprogram this part of her maturity.

Sent from my beautiful IPhone :)

Ahhh It Feels Good to be Back

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 17:28:00 +0000

Yesterday was the first day in the past 10 that I have not been doped up on cold meds TRYING to function. I was able to dust my super woman cape off and put it back where it belongs - on me.

Although, I didn't work out or function up to my "normal" standard, I did accept the fact that I can't always be a super woman. I also accepted the fact that some days would be better than others.

Yesterday, I celebrated the fact that I got half way through a workout without dying or falling over. I was able to get my head back into my job again after a rather long hiatus. I worked on my house that fell by the wayside while I was struggling to get out of bed. I played plumber at 1130 pm, naked and was successful. It was a good day. A good day indeed.

Closing Chapters, Starting New Ones

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 19:51:00 +0000

As I sit at my computer today, I have a list of things that come to mind that I should be doing. Somehow, I just can't get my head in them to get them done. I am thinking that it may be time to cut these final ties of the things that are truly bogging me down. I realize that it's August but I feel the need to do my final spring cleaning.

Hub and I have been tossing around the idea of him running for our association board of directors. There is, we feel, a HUGE need for SOMEONE that knows what they are doing and has a desire to make changes with the current system to be in that position however, hub and I are just feeling that maybe right now, we would be better served to concentrate on our family and our own lives. Aside from the fact that our offers to help and the things we have done so far have not been very enthusiastically received and we REALLY would rather spend our energy elsewhere. So, elections tomorrow, we may attend however, all we are doing is voting.

I have a web site that I have been a part of for over 4 years. It has been like a baby for the past two...and currently, it is floundering with readership. I love the ones who are there which is why I have been trying to keep that place afloat for so long. I don't want to lose the few who do visit there. BUT...again, it is requiring time...and planning...and effort...and other than those few readers, it is doing nothing for me. I feel like I can make better use of that effort and time. I just have to decide if I am indeed ready to close that chapter of my life.

My kiddos education has always CONSUMED me. Quite literally. This year, we found a solution that kept them home but didn't make me the one lacking in sleep with worry. They are doing virtual school. I don't have the worry of lesson plans. I don't have the worry of knowing material and figuring a way to teach it. I just have to support my kids on their venture. At the end of the year, we don't have to test them, I simply have to turn their grades over for an evaluation. Although I have to deal with 10 teachers for an entire school year, I am looking forward to not having quite so many worries.

Spring cleaning. In August. I am ok with this.

Little Moments

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 05:37:00 +0000

There have been moments in my life that just resonate with meaning. Sometimes, I just hear a phrase that stops me in my tracks. Sometimes it's a photo, a song, or a book. Today, it was a movie.

The main character in this film was me. To a T. She obsessed about everything that life tossed her way rather than find a way to enjoy it. She analyzed every second and she had lost herself amidst her life. She spent years going through motions, obsessing and being unhappy. She didn't even realize that she was gone..until she had her moment. I don't feel lost. I do however sometimes find myself wandering around wondering what in the hell I am doing. Wanting more. Wanting to have a bright neon sign pointing the way to the road of fulfillment and peace. There are moments that I wish that I could escape and find time to find me again. Then reality hits and I remember that I am not living in a Hollywood movie plot.

Is that even possible when you have a husband and kids? To find time to find yourself, I mean? Is this something that all women go through? I recall conversations that I have had with my Mom about how she didn't know what she liked to eat anymore or what a hobby was. How is it that we get married and have kids in an effort to find our life's meaning yet it is probably these very things that contribute the most to our sacrificing our individuality?

I suppose this is also the main reason why women have learned to enjoy wine. It keeps a brain from analyzing, obsessing and getting lost.

Cancer Sucks

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 01:47:00 +0000

Cancer has been plaguing my family for years. As long as I can recall actually. It took Great Aunts and Great Uncles, Great Grandparents, Grandparents, Uncles and Aunts, In laws, Friends...now, it is getting ready to claim yet another member of our family.

The thing about cancer is that once you have it, you are a victim and so are your loved ones who support you. As the primary victim, your body is racked by the invasion of abnormal cells and there really isn't much you can do about that. You will always be a victim. Sometimes that title will change temporarily and you get called a survivor but in the end, it always comes back and claims you....and the family and friends that are left in it's wake are still helpless.We can't fight the war that is waging within your body for you, we just have to sit back and watch it all happen.

We are forced to accept the hand that has been dealt. We are forced to be strong. We are forced to put on a brave face and pretend that watching our loved ones suffer is somehow dignified. In the end, we are all helpless. There is no dignity in watching your family lose a loved one. There is no peace in knowing that someone you love is going to die. You may find it after wards. After you have time to mourn. Eventually it will hurt less, but it will never make sense.

We can raise all the money we want for research to fight it, but it will still be there. Claiming lives. It isn't going to go away. It makes me so damn angry to know that NOTHING is going to keep my aunt alive right now. My uncle will soon be facing life without her and there isn't a damn thing I can do to change it and I have no desire to accept it. I won't. He loves her more than life itself and soon, he gets to hold her for the last time. Kiss her for the last time. Tell her that he loves her for the last time. Where is the peace and dignity in that?

Life and death. Sometimes it all just sucks.

It's not easy

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 17:46:00 +0000

I realized something that just blew my mind today - I have turned into a Mommy Blogger. I write about the every day hum drum that makes up my life. I talk about personal shit that is affecting me. I discuss how I want to rip out my uterus once each month. I dish about my sex life. I have a few topics that are off the list of things I will mention, but not many.

I started writing in blog land quite a number of years ago. It has been my outlet. My place to spew when need be. But more importantly, also my place to discuss things that are important to me. Lately, that has slipped away around here and I slid into dishing about my kids, my friends, or the asshats in my life. And honestly, I have much more important things to share in cyber space.

I have been slinking away from the social lately due to the above mentioned asshats. Since I have become accustomed to spending hours each day at my desk, I have had to fill that time with other things. Lately, its been reading. Reading the tons of blogs and web periodicals that I subscribe to. All of these places serve a purpose. Some so large that I am often overwhelmed by the responses they receive from blog posts.

I realized today something else: I DONT WANNA BE A MOMMY BLOGGER!!! I have a purpose in life too and it's not to tell everyone in the big cyber world how great my kids are. So, I am going to stop. If you want that personal shit, head over to Facebook. This place has a bigger purpose and I think it's high time I stop wasting it on crap that most of you could care less about. I am going to make a difference in this world we are living in. Starting now.

Call It What You Will

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 12:12:00 +0000

The past couple weeks have found me in a funk. People are urking me. Situations annoying me. I am feeling a bit like a doormat....and it really pisses me off. I seem to have a habit of finding people who at first seem great. Carefree, fun. But then they turn into big asshats. I always considered myself a good judge of character but it seems that I really am not that good at it.

Why don't I notice that they suck as parents? Why can't I pick up the vibes of the crappy way they treat their spouse? How come I am blind to the way they whine or have a need to be a victim of life rather than embracing all that it tosses their way? Why....do I blame myself in the end when I am blindsided by the asshats???

It leaves me deflated and well, much like I am right now. In this funk. I am back tracking myself emotionally so that I can let it all go and just move forward. I am again treading cautiously with the people in my life. Building the walls again to protect not only myself but also the rest of my family.

I think that I get so whapped by this scenario because I want to have faith in people. I WANT to believe there are happy individuals out there that are just enjoying life and not happy due to medication overloads. I want to find the good ones. So I just keep letting them all in. Taking chances and getting disappointed. Maybe I need to just face up to the fact that no one is going to live up to my expectations.

Maybe THAT is the problem. I expect people to embrace life the way I do. I expect people to want to choose to be happy. I expect people who have kids to want them to behave, be happy and be brilliant. I expect wives to worship their husbands and vice versa the way that my hub and I do. I expect everyone's kids to be as kind and compassionate and as funny as mine are.

Perhaps I need to stop expecting things from people....and keep my family locked behind concrete walls so that others don't annoy the crap out of us when they turn in to asshats.

Ahhhh The Bullet Post

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 13:09:00 +0000

Can barely form complete sentences today. Blame it on PMS, motherhood, a mountain of shit in my head.

Do you think you could have a conversation with me that doesn't involve you pointing out how much you resent me? Really. It's getting old. Nothing in YOUR life is my fault. You just need to step up and be a tad bit accountable for what you have going on. I mean, you are an adult for god sake.
I know it's your job to worry. I am as well. But it kills me to not have a second go by that you don't remind me of the shit that is wrong. We do have other things in our lives besides that you know. Other really good things...if you could just look past the crap you are obsessing with.
I don't agree with your lifestyle or your parenting techniques. Please don't mistake this for jealousy. I really like having respectful and stable kids. I also love the fact that I am not considered selfish when it comes to parenthood. You know, I actually put my kids before my own needs. I know its a bit of a foreign concept for you. You do things your way but please....don't expect me to want to be around it.
I still don't know how to deal with YOUR issue. YOUR issue that has leaked its way into my family because we were friends. I really want to be friends with you however right now, my kids are taking priority over yours in my life. I hope that you can understand and respect that. Just give me some time to sort it all out.
Sometimes, I feel like a complete failure. This happens when I let myself down. I always say it is because I have let others down but really, it's me and it's because I haven't lived up to my own expectations. I HATE when you lack support for me when I get to this point. It just adds to my pile of disappointment that I feel I have caused. I know you don't like it when I am weak...sometimes though, I would love for you to remember that I am human even if you aren't.

Slackerville USA

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:07:00 +0000

I don't know if I am really slacking or if I just feel like I can't devote time to myself with all this crap on my plate and chaos in my home. No matter what my ~~excuse~~ reason, I am done with it. I have let my eating get off track during the past month or so. I have not worked out the way I should be. I really do want to start some sort of running program and I think that it's high time that I stop avoiding that.

My scale is holding steady for week #3. Obviously I can maintain myself but I want a bit more than that. I am just not FEELING good. I need to move to be able to think clearly. More importantly, I need to rid myself of some of the stress that I am carrying so I don't wind up in that icky place again.

The kitchen is getting filled with good foods. I am going to be cooking again. I am dusting off the running shoes and going to huff and puff myself silly. I am doing the Wicked August Challenge and going to make sure that I move my bod every single day. That is a start and it starts NOW.

Crystal Clear...sort of.

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:46:00 +0000

I frequently will have moments in my life that make me stand back and realize exactly where I am and how great things are. I have recently had one of those moments. I wish I felt free enough to elaborate completely here about the details that made me open my eyes this time. But I don't.

I will say that it made me hug my kids tighter and tell them all how simply amazing I think they are. It made me remind my husband just how great that I think he is and how very much I appreciate him, because I sometimes get so caught up in all that I am doing everywhere else to do that.

These moments always get me refocused and re energized. At this moment, it was exactly what I needed.

Because If I don't, I will certainly explode

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 02:13:00 +0000

Tonight, we receive a phone call from the president of our association. He tells us that there is someone in the community that has complained about where a guest of ours has parked his vehicle for the past two days. It is parked street side, just off the grass at the front of our home. According to our DOC book, this is where we are allowed to park. The ONLY place that we can park aside from our driveway. Not blocking sidewalks, not parking on the grass. That is where the truck is. But..we are being asked to move it because someone in our neighborhood complained. WE got asked to move. WE are not violating any of our rules. WE have been parking guest vehicles in the same spot since February when we moved in. Now, it is an issue. We are following the rules. I will say it one more time: WE ARE FOLLOWING THE RULES.

So, I ask our lovely president where we are supposed to park and do ya know what he told me? Park in the grass. Yes. In the grass. Where our DOC books says we are not allowed to park. Then he tells me that he is just giving me a "heads up" because the guy who complained also sent photos of the truck parked in this spot and mentioned the calling the police because we are blocking the road. So again...WE were asked to move the truck.

Our President, who we were under the impression was our friend, told said complainer that he would get us to move the truck. US. Who were following the rules. The same ones who have been busting their asses to try to help this community. The same ones who are paying all of our damn dues on time each month. The same ones who caught up the fucking dues from the past owner when their lives fell to hell and they had to vacate the house. The same ones who have been trying to get people involved in and caring for our lovely little community. US! Rather than growing a set of balls and explaining to the complainer that we were indeed not doing a damn thing wrong, he tossed us right under the damn bus. Then showed up here telling me that I shouldn't be upset because we were "friends".

Friends have each others backs. Friends stand up for each other.

So...today, I resigned from the violations committee. I also told him that we weren't hosting any more community meetings or events. Nor would we be attending the meetings, or supporting this community the way we have been. Because ya know, apparently, I don't have as many friends here as I thought. It's just a spot to keep my house. Not a neighborhood full of family like I thought it was. I get it now.

Wow, it really is all just politics.

Come in Normalcy

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 18:47:00 +0000

It has come to my attention lately that my hub and I are the only normal parents that we know. Really. We actually spend time with our kids. We don't bitch about that like it's an unforgivable sin that we are "stuck with these damn kids". We LIKE ours. We don't pawn ours off on others. If we can't take them with us to a function, or leave them safely at home for a little smidge of time, we just don't go. We don't take turns with the parenting duties. I don't resent my hub nor do I tell him that it's his turn because raising responsible and loving kids is a joint effort...a 24/7 joint effort. Although I do sometimes require a time out so I don't blow a gasket...these are few and far between for me.

I plan my days around doing things with the kids and I try really hard to make sure that the three of them know how absolutely cool that I think they are. My kids are appreciated and loved...and they know that. I don't bitch about what a huge burden they are to me. It was my choice and privilege to become a Mom and I am kinda digging that job. In all of its ups and downs.

I know people who "can't cope" with their kids so they "take breaks" from them.(Ie: ship them off to family and friends to deal with) What does that say to your kids? I think it screams "I don't want to put in efforts for you nor am I willing to stick by you for the hard stuff". Yeah. Feel that love.

I protect them at all costs...even if that means letting them learn tough lessons. Only I stand next to them while they learn those lessons. I am honest with my kids and I am open with them about all that life is tossing around.

My issue lately is...as i slowly realize how insane some of the families around us are...its getting kinda lonely. Would an ad on Craigslist be out of the question?

Adventurous Mom of teens and pre teens looking for other fwk (families with kids) to hang out and otherwise befriend. Kids must possess an innate sense of humor, a brain and the ability to laugh without being a big, fat crybaby. Whining is not tolerated in any circumstance. Couple must be supportive of each other, not mind PDA's of others and not spend their time explaining what a worthless piece of shit your partner is. Sexual orientation not a factor. Values and morals are a must.

The Damn Plate Again

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 10:40:00 +0000

As I lay awake at 3 am this morning, I find myself contemplating the possible titles of the book that I have yet to write. I don't even know the content of said book, yet there I was considering the titles. I suppose it was my delirium. However, there is much to be said for late night mind wanderings.

I find that this happens to me when I have a shit ton on my mind. Not worry as much as just "stuff". It all goes back to my need to balance an overloaded plate. ALL. THE. TIME. Sometimes, my plate is sturdy. Made of something strong. It is able to hold a lot without so much as a bend. Other times, I feel like it is made of thin paper...that it has been made soggy by the pile of wet and nasty slop that I have been carrying around. This is a NEED of mine. To carry this overly full plate. And I think it all boils down to how I have never felt that I was GREAT at any one thing. Never.

Don't get me wrong. This isn't a feel sorry for me post. I am good at a lot of shit. However, I have never considered myself gifted/overly adept/FABULOUS at any one thing. So, I have turned into this compulsive multi-tasker. I have to have 8 million things going on. I have to juggle. I have to feel like I have areas where I am needed/wanted/important. Because THAT is apparently what I feel that I do best. I do this by being sort of on top of things in lots of areas so that when one area falls to holy hell, I have a back up that still makes me feel worthy. If I am doubting my abilities as a parent, I have that whole web design thing that works out so I don't feel like a complete waste of earth space. When things are struggling with the wife thing, I have 200 committees that I am serving on to fill in the "you are worthy" gaps. When the community shit is pissing me off, I can usually scrape up some "what would I do without you" moments from the hub. It has been working out well for me for ohhhhh almost 40 years apparently.

The thing is, now that I realize this: I want to change. I mean, how sick is it that I have this NEED? Why can't I find something that makes me so content that I can be ok with one thing, rather than 500? I would love to focus on one thing and just kick ass at it. Rather than get by at being ok. Only...I am turning 40. Habits are really hard to break. So, how do I do this? And, am I the only woman on the planet that finds herself in this scenario? I doubt it.

Yep. I think it is definitely delirium.

Sparklers will be flying

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 02:19:00 +0000

Tomorrow is the 4th of July. For the first time since our family became one big happy unit, we aren't getting up and heading to a parade. We have purposefully planned a quiet day at our new casa with a few friends. We are going to fire up the barbeque..enjoy good company and soak up some sunshine. Then, when the sun goes down, we have some fireworks to light and hopefully a nice place to see the display that is just up the road.

It feels weird to be breaking tradition, but I am really looking forward to it. I intend to do that a lot now. Enjoy the peace and cherish the important things.

Happy Independence Day!

10 years

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 05:15:00 +0000

I don't understand how 10 years can seem like an eternity all while seeming to fly by in an instant. But the past ten of my life have seemed just like that.

To my wonderfully, amazing husband:

You are my best friend, my biggest supporter and my best joy in life. You push me to be a better wife, mother and friend. You love me deeper than I ever thought I could be loved and you have shown me how to love more passionately and completely than I ever thought that I was capable of. I am so very proud of our love and I am even more proud to be your partner in this lifetime. Thank you for the privilege of being your wife for the past 10 years. I love you with every inch of my being.

PS and thank you for tolerating my moods and embracing all of my quirks...and not smothering me with a pillow while I sleep. You are by far the most patient and loving man I know. :o)

Spinning Round and Round

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 02:02:00 +0000

So, we move in to this neighborhood in February. We dive in to the association responsibilities. We want to help. We want to contribute. Yet time and time again, it's like we are running into a brick wall. Trying to make things happen, getting things accomplished - BAM. Not many people here seem like they are interested in getting things done. Let's not even mention a time frame.

Today, I get an email from our management company telling me that they submitted the newsletter that I created to the board for approval. This is the third one I have put together. All have been received well. I have no issues with the process. What I have issues with is this: I submitted this newsletter...the issue for JULY...2 weeks ago. TODAY, they are sending it on for approval. Then it gets printed and then distributed. 2 days before the month it was created for???? It's packed full of announcements for the coming month - none of which will be read until god knows when. So I feel that I have wasted A LOT of time and effort and for what?

This is just the icing on the cake of foot dragging and lack of urgency that we have been experiencing. I don't deal well with this kind of stuff. I am a get it done gal and when others are not....I just want to chew them up for dinner.

Could someone please pass the spork?

Testing the wonderfulness

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 21:55:00 +0000

Is that even a word? I have tried a couple of different platforms and not had luck. If this works via the iPhone, I will be 100% in love for sure.

Sent from my beautiful Iphone :)

Funky Monkey

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 12:21:00 +0000

I can't quite figure out why some days I wake up and feel like going 100MPH all day, then other days, it's all I can do to climb out of bed. It doesn't make for a productive life sometimes. I think I am AGAIN fighting off a damn cold. My throat has been scratchy for two days again. My ears feel funny. I am tired. And...I AM SICK OF IT! Everyone around me has been sick. I am certain this has something to do with it. I am trying to avoid people so I can get over it...and I can keep from sharing this lovely ick. It doesn't always go as planned. I am just thankful that it's summer and we can chill out a bit.

Bug is currently in South Carolina. I can say that now. She was a surprise for her Aunt Georgie and she was so damn excited to be going up there. She better come home with lots of pictures. It would be better if she would come home with her Aunt Georgie stuffed in her suitcase though.

Being without part of this family makes me feel...weird. We are like a finely tuned machine here. When parts go missing, it throws me all out of whack. Snoog doesn't know what to do with herself. Aust is even doing things he normally doesn't do. The cats are acting strange. It's just weird and I think I can say that we all are counting down until Monday when she returns.

Sad...because I am spoiled

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:46:00 +0000

My parents came to visit this past weekend. We had a great time. But yesterday, they left to go home. When they did, I cried. While I will miss them, I didn't cry because of that. I cried because in two days, they are getting in their car and heading north, to go visit my sister and I am not going. I probably could have if I really wanted to. I could probably also get in my truck, pack up my kids and go on my own at any point this summer as well. Instead...I am tucked in to my living room blogging...and pouting.
We canceled our family vacation this year because we were in the process of buying this house. We have been living on a tight assed budget while we get settled in here. We have cut back in any places that we could and as much as I want to see my sister, I know that getting my family right needs to be priority at the moment.
Still, I am sad today. I miss my sister.

A New Week

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 02:21:00 +0000

Today is ~~Monday~~ Tuesday. I like to start new things on ~~Mondays~~ Tuesdays. Or to rearrange old things. Today - no different.

I decided that I was finally going to start running. I have been thinking about it for a long time. I bought books about it. I even talked to other runners. The problem is that I have never been good at it. I have no idea what appeals to me about it. I suppose because my lung capacity sucks so badly, I just feel like it will be a huge challenge. In any case, today, I strapped on my running shoes and began. I ran a whopping 1/2 mile. I felt like I was near death at the end but...I did it. I feel like a complete idiot because I am so damn proud of running a fricken half mile but...I.DONT. CARE.

I came home from the piss ant run that got me so excited and then I attacked my house. I cleaned floors. Rearranged things. Moved shit around. I am sitting here this evening feeling like we have a new place. Things just clicked into place today and it feels right. Good.

So, I got things done. To the point of not really knowing what to do with myself. I have all of this free time now with school being out and work being caught up. I like not having obligations and people on my ass.

Hey....wait a minute...Fuck. Today is Tuesday. Where in the hell did my Monday go?

Random 101...again

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 11:13:00 +0000

Thinking that a road trip might have been in my future. Then I thought about the time that I could just be home and enjoy some peace and quiet, not spend the cash and enjoy a book or ten and get some sun. Hmmm...
trying to figure out why hub and I haven't met more people like us. You know, family values, fun, thinks of others before ourselves, actually like to hang out with our kids. We can't be the only freaks on the planet can we? The new neighbors seem to be the closest we have found so far. :o)
is trying to figure out a way to not be so defensive when people say things that belittle my family or our life. I realize those that do that aren't worth a second of my time however, I ALWAYS find it necessary to put try to put them in their place. Which in turn, makes me feel horrible because that is negative energy that I am sending...even though it is well deserved.
wonders if it is possible to find whatever happened in my past that makes me have the need to constantly prove myself.
thinks it really sucks that we have invited certain people over for every event we have celebrated in our life. They have come to drink our drinks, eat our food, share our joy...yet, we apparently aren't good enough to share in any of theirs.
wishing that I could find time to write a book yet knowing that I can't be organized enough in my thoughts to make that happen properly. Hence the reason I blog, I suppose.
wants to find more time to cook veg meals. I feel like I am in a rut and the food world is feeling a bit boring to me.
I have a few people that I really want to see. I just don't want the baggage that comes along with them. Trying to find a way to remedy that.
has an urge for more ink again. I swore I was done at 3. Now, I have 4 and I want another. Good thing the tattoo guy is a couple hundred miles away.
wishing I would hit the lotto so that my hub could occasionally take a day or ten off from work. I really have been enjoying him lately.
sometimes loathe that I need to write in bulleted posts but figures that this is better than keeping all this randomness in my head.

Do I Matter?

noreply@blogger.com (Queenie) — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 15:13:00 +0000

On Friday, I am having a conversation with my Momma. She informs me that my dad has access to a gas powered lawn mower and they want to know if we would like it. I instantly tell her that while I appreciate them thinking of us, that No, we will keep our lovely manual powered reel mower.

I purchased this mower about a year ago. It was one of the many things that I have done to try to green up our lives. We didn't have then, nor do we now have a large yard. While it takes a bit more physical energy to mow now, I appreciate the lack of impact this lovely mower has on the planet.

It is difficult to not think about the oil spill in my back yard while I am considering my choice for ease and convenience with my yard equipment. But the reality is, how can my one choice make a difference when we have oil pouring into the Gulf of Mexico? Does it really matter?

When we are one of the leading consumers of petroleum in the world, I say that every single choice my family can make to lessen the consumption of that will make a difference. It has been something that we just take for granted. For YEARS - as a nation we have consumed whatever we would like without much thought as to the actual cost to our environment for the production of it. We eat what we want to eat, go where we want to go, do anything we want to do and we don't think. Well, my family didn't used to think. One of our biggest changes that we have made in the past 12 - 24 months is that we HAVE begun to think. Not only that, I am trying to educate other people to think more. To not be so caught up in the here and now but instead to put some thought into the future.

We may not have built the pipes that BP used for that rig but our choices certainly put that rig into one of the most beautiful eco systems that we have in the world. And for what? So we could drive an SUV with heated leather seats? Our choices as consumers are what caused this oil disaster. We pushed for convenience. Our wants with no consideration for the hows are what caused this mess.

So, this eco loving gal supports BP not firing its CEO's. You heard me. I support this company in their quest to make shit loads of cash. It is what businesses are created to do. I can't fault them for that. I can change the future though. Me, with my non luxury SUV, my home grown garden, my eco friendly clothing, my manual lawn mower. I can make a difference. I can make sure that WE don't consume in a way that encourages more drilling. I may not be able to change what happened with this rig. I can't suck all the oil that has spilled out of the beautiful ocean waters. It is a tragedy. But I can make sure that companies like BP don't get the chance to allow a repeat.