I Can't Tell You

Yesterday, we went to a barbeque at a friends house. It was mostly their family and then us. I always make food to take when we go places. I just feel like if someone is going to be nice enough to feed my entire family, I can be thankful enough to contribute to the feast. Plus, it always guarantees me a couple of things on the menu that I can eat with my whole meat free thing that I have going on.

I am NOT a pain in the ass when we go elsewhere. I never complain or bitch if we go somewhere that doesn't have meat free dishes. I am always grateful for the efforts anyone puts forth whether I can partake or not - because I can completely relate to the party hosting efforts. Yesterday though knocked this Queenie's socks off.

There was a HUGE spread of food. A feast. AND...there were veggie burgers that had been quietly grilled and set aside. There was a HUGE pan of grilled veggies laid out. There were vegetarian baked beans that had been made. Nothing was made an issue of. No one made me feel like a pain in the ass because they had gone to some extra efforts for me. And not once did I hear "You need to bring whatever you are eating Shelah because I am not cooking for you." (Yes, people do say that to me.)

It was fricken awesome!!!

So, not only did my kids have a blast on the water slide that had been rented. My hub enjoyed the feast and the company. I felt like someone that actually mattered a little bit to my friends and that was priceless for me.

Its All In the 'Tude

I have noticed many around me lately complaining. I think this is very quickly turning into one of my biggest pet peeves with others. Don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of bitchfests. I am not talking about speaking up when service in a restaurant or calling someone out when they have spoken to you like an asshat. THOSE complaints are warranted. I am talking about complaining about drivers, decorations or food at a party, the weather, a suckie movie and any number of things that we really have no control over.

It's not in your control. Why are you wasting your energy on it?

We are a nation of whiners. People will bitch about just about anything and then when they are done bitching, they will try to sue you for your "shortcomings". When you make choices to move to an area, attend a party, see a movie or drive on the public streets you give up your right to complain. You knowingly put yourself in a position that you are not in control of. How can you expect it to all go according to YOUR wishes?

Can I really complain about the weather here in Miami? Sure I CAN but it does me no good. My complaints don't change the weather. When I whine about it being hot, someone needs to smack me. Then remind me that I moved here of my own accord. I packed my shit up in Michigan and CHOOSE to relocate to this tropical climate. I knew that tropical meant hot, humid, rain, bugs and hurricanes. Just like I am here now by choice, if it makes me that miserable, I can pack up and move out. Right?

Should I bitch about the food or drink at someone else's party? They invite me to come. I CHOOSE to go. Did I go simply to eat and drink? Or did I go so I could socialize and have some fun? Someone put forth effort for me to have that time to relax. I don't care what is on the menu.

Does it do me ANY good to scream at other drivers while I am on the road? I put myself in my vehicle knowing full well that I am not the only one out there. I CHOOSE to drive my happy ass to whatever location I went to. I live in a big assed city for god sake. There will be idiots. There will be slow drivers and light flashers and horn honkers.

So where does all of this leave us? When we realize that we are wasting good energy on useless behavior? With a choice. You can make the most of things. Find the good. Enjoy the moments. Or...you can be a whiny bitch for the rest of your life. Just like I have a choice whether to be around you.

It's Simple Really

I realized a while ago that I have a fault. A big one. I HATE disappointing people. I would rather eat a pile of steamy shit than to let someone down. Normally, this is a great trait to have in someone however, I am frequently treated like a door mat because...I can't tell people no...for fear of disappointing them. Nor, can I allow many to know that I get grumpy, overwhelmed or otherwise get into a state of feeling like life is out of control.

So, when I have bad days, rather than disappoint anyone by being schlod, I choose to retreat. It is my survival behavior. I have been doing it for as long as I can recall. Only recently, I realized WHY I am actually doing it. If I don't retreat when life is pissing me off, I will undoubtedly say things or do things that would make others think less of me. Can't have people finding out that I am human after all.

For some reason, people don't seem to understand that when I am feeling this way, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to listen to anyone. I don't want people to try to make me feel better. I just really want people to leave me the fuck alone. Really. I am avoiding people/phone calls/visits not because I am weak. I am doing that because I am NICE. I don't want to be rude to anyone. I don't want to toss my problems and worries on anyone. I don't want the bullshit in my life to affect anyone else. Why is this such a difficult concept for people?

I wish that I could make this point without being told that I am being a bitch.